Search for self love:

I can't decide if happy is the same as notawfullyunhappy. Either way, I think i'm happy. And worried a little. And so young.


(we were all in love and we all got hurt)


This message is addressed to everyone who is reading this post.
I want you to post anything that you want. Anything.
Post a secret, a threat, a confession, an opinion about me, a story, a poem -- anything.
Be sure to post anonymously and honestly.
Post twice if you'd like, and then put this in your journal to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read it) have to say.

I liked its concept so there it is.

Once there was a little girl. And this little girl was very happy. See, she was blessed, this girl. She had magic in her. And she was strong. She was so magical-happy-strong that she made everything good again. Then one day, this little girl was skipping to church to plant flowers, and she stepped on a small piece of metal. This shard cut through her perfectly white tennis shoes and her socks with the little frills around the ankle, and worked itself into her pretty little foot. This little girl got very sick. And then she died.


This story is how I feel right now. I thought i'd share.

Breakdowns are even more fun in public!

Melanie Wills was the good girl in Gone with the Wind! That's why I love the chic in From Autumn to Ashes! I seriously just freaked out when I figured that out. I know, i'm slow, but that is just so cool! And now, i'm off to continue my day as fucking suzie homemaker. There is nothing but hand-washed laundry and baking in my future.

Your Taste in Music:

Classic Rock: High Influence

Ska: High Influence

80's Alternative: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Medium Influence

90's Alternative: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Country: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

Punk: Medium Influence

80's Pop: Low Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

90's Pop: Low Influence

Adult Alternative: Low Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence

R&B: Low Influence

I like these. I don't understand them, but I like them. And also, as a quick comment, I think something is inaccuratly named if it does not live up to it's promise. I went to the evil bridge of death and blindness, and as you can see, I am neither dead nor blind. Maybe that's because I didn't jump. Ah, maybe next time. Also, if your name is Ashley and you're a tall blonde, you had better call me this summer!

Your Political Profile

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Haha, see you guys, I'm a little conservative.

I really want to do something, anything right now. I have the oddest urge to just do something incredibly foolish/frivolous/crazy/absolutly brilliant. Like jump in a car and drive to water and climb as high as I can and then jump in. Or kiss a stranger. Just because. That sort of thing. This is definatly a dancing sort of mood.

I lovelovelove this.

I want to go to bed and sleep for the first time in two days. But I can't. Because I cannnot feel my legs. And i'm sorry for putting quotes instead of an actual message. But that's all I can handle right now. My bad.

My Weekend:
"Hey, did you see two guys with three hands? We lost them."
"Sometimes, I feel sweat dribbles and I think it's bugs. They should probably put that in a book somewhere. It was pretty awesome."
"This is definatly the last fence. Oh wait one more."


Damn, I got over/through three barbed-wire fences and they still didn't let me talk to the cute farm boy on the other side.

How was yours?

I'm a thief and a liar and that last update didn't go so hot, so here it is: another plea for attention *cough cough* Damn, where did that come from? I meant to say: an excerise that proves me to be loved because I can't really shake the feeling that i'm being lied to. Oh, that didn't come out right. Fuck it, just answer the question.

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, please post a memory of you & me. It can be anything you want, be it good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then, post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.

"Lillian, it sure is a good thing you're not dangerously suicidal." - My mother

Gee, I think so to, I guess.

I guess i'm not unhappy and I promised a boy that I would update when that happened. So here I am.

Who's excited about tomorrow? I still need to make a witty shirt. Unfortunatly, I can't fit "Keep your conservative bullshit out of my personal life, bitch" on a t-shirt.

( Unnessesary procrastination. )

I love birthdays. I cannot be sad on my birthday, it sacreligous or something.

I got myself a little birthday present and now my tummy is ska coloured!

I'm content right now. With everything. There are troubles and all, I get that. Some of them even directly affect me, especially these stupid little ones that I obsess over, but i'm really quite content with my life the way it is. Damn, wouold ya look at that? Lillian's happy. Awesome.

Guys n' Dolls was great last night. Like layneletmegiveyoumyvirginity great.


I need to stop being myself so often.

I hate that whenever i'm feeing good about life, my mother talks to me. And now i'm crushed. God.


None of my rules for living make my mother thinking i'm awful an okay thing.


I hate now.

It's time once again to leave superficial and meaningless comments for a girl who needs them to appease her self-obsessed society-driven quest for affection! God, I love spring.

1. one secret.
2. one compliment.
3. your favorite quote.
4. one love note.
5. lyrics to a song.
6. how old you are.
7. how long we've been friends.
8. your name

*and I felt the need to add*

9. something good about yourself
10. one event that made you want to be my friend
11. one event that made you sad you were my friend
12. one thing that would make us both laugh

Rumors are shitty and I wish I had a friend.

So, as it turns out, I have self worth. Wierd, huh?

I cannot wait for the weekend. Good music, fewer thoughts. I'm so tired of drama, drama, drama. Even if it is important drama.

I really like people. In the majority, people are good. We have such a capacity for love and pleasure and goodness. I don't know if i'm the only one that this amazes and delightd but people really are, in general, awesome.

I want to be someone. No, I want to be someone's. I am so...*sigh* tonight.

Yesterday was alright. Show was way too godly but good people = good fun, I guess.

So, have you guys seen that allegra girl? She is so

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.


I felt like updating but by the time I got here I had lost my drive. I have nothing to say.

Tell me what makes you happy.

*sigh*


*happy sigh*


Oh dear. I'm in deeper than I have any right to be.

I do feel like a star today. In a way where I wish someone would wish on me. Wish for me, wish to me. Just invest some sort of hope in me. I feel like I maybe I could help someone. Like I could give someone else pleasure. I feel powerful and strong and fragile and the delicate kind of happy that comes from knowing what I should do. I feel like i'm in control of my life. It's a great feeling. I love when things feel out of control but this is nice too. I could do anything right now. I could achieve all those dreams I have. But they involve other people so maybe not but still. I could do anything. I could be happy for a long time. I could be normal. I could be better than this.

I would update with events but I always end up playing the bitch role anyway so why does it matter? Also, someday, we are all going to die. So, fuck it. I was so at peace this morning, I got rid of all my bad energy and greeted the dawn and let go. But now, I all I want is to have it back. And all I want is one look from one person that says everything I need to know to make it through.